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Audacity of Truth
What color is a conservative?
This is a topic I don’t normally blog about because I like to keep the blog clean in case young people happen to stumble upon it – and I DO have a wholesome image to protect *grin* – but I’m making an exception here. I debated on whether or not to post this but decided “what the hey” …. Click on the link below to read on.
Yesterday afternoon I was driving home from work and got stuck behind a black VW Jetta for several miles on my trip home. I take a lot of backroads to get there, and a lot of backroads are of course two lanes only, so every once in a while I get stuck behind someone driving too slow and can’t get around them.
Except in this instance, it wasn’t a case of someone just driving too slow. The person was ever so slightly weaving across the yellow lines. At first I wondered if the chap behind the wheel was drunk. Then I saw what looked like a woman’s head pop up from the front seat and noticed she shifted back to the passenger seat. She had apparently been leaning down over into the driver’s side. I had NO idea what this couple was doing at first but soon began to assume he was getting a little after-work, um, ‘attention’ if you catch my drift. The reason I say this is because this happened several times: you wouldn’t see the woman’s head for a couple of minutes, then you’d see it again. Now, I could understand if she kept reaching down on HER side of the car for her purse or something, but women passengers generally don’t put their purses down in the driver’s side floorboard!
As if that wasn’t odd enough, almost the entire time this was going on, the chap was not only on his cell phone, but periodically would look in his rearview mirror at me with what I believe was a twinkle in his eye (ick!). So this guy had several things going on: he was driving, talking on his cell phone, apparently being ‘entertained’, and checking me out in his rearview mirror – all at the same time.
Finally, we came to a section on a road we’d both turned onto where he could take a left turn to get into an apartment complex. So he got in the left turn lane while I, in the right lane, started to hit the gas to go straight on and try to forget what I’d just seen. I wasn’t going to look in the vehicle as I passed but the a–hole beeped his horn and out of habit of looking when a horn is blown I looked over, and he was still on his phone, but he smiled and winked at me, and as that was happening all I saw of the woman in the passenger seat was her hair and shoulder blades!
I know for some guys (ok, all of them!) that things like that are a turn on, but a word of advice for anyone considering it: please DON’T do it in five o’clock traffic when lots of people are around to see something they don’t want to! Yes, I am a conservative but that doesn’t mean I’m a prude – I just think certain things need to be done out of view of other folks, know what I mean?
Oh, and to answer the thread title (which is a spinoff of the wonderful book by former Rep. JC Watts, a book title which I have no business playing off of!) I’m sure my face was as beet red as the pinkish/red ribbed thermal zip up jacket I was wearing 
Note: Please try keep the comments in response to this reasonably clean by refraining from using too-crude terms 
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33 Responses to “What color is a conservative?”
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ST –
There’s a time and a place for everything and, you’re right, that wasn’t it. You hit the nail right on the…um…nose.
Cheers,
WS
Risky, very risky. Remember the scene in “The World According to Garp” where Garp’s wife was, well, in flaglante delicto, on her young lover in the driveway, when Garp ran into the car. Bit it right off! Sounds like too serious a risk for Mr. Happy to take in my opinion!
Too bad you weren’t a cop.
Would have loved to see his response on getting pulled over with his pants down.
Severian, I have to admit I’m chuckling at the use of the term “Mr. Happy”
Sanity, can you imagine being the police officer who would have had to write that ticket? LOL.
- Hmmmm…. I bet you think I’m going to post something crude here, but for once I’m not going to say anything like “its not Mr. Happy…..its Mr. Hap-penis, but I’m not going too….Ummmm…..I mean…. Well I wasn’t going to, that just “slipped out…..I mean….. ahhh….. never mind ….I’ll just zip it up…. *cough*….
- A friend of mine is aux CHP and once on a lazy sunday he was up patrolling Kearny mesa drive, which is the road you saw so much of in “top gun” that runs along the runways of the Marine air station. There was a car pulled over watching the F-15’s do touch and gos, as people often do, but he noticed some strange movements in the passenger compartment so he decided to stop and check it out. When he approached the drivers side and looked in he saw the couple in a rather delicate position, with the gal stradling the guy upside down legs over his shoulders….you get the picture… Both nude as jay birds… He finally got the guys attention rapping on the window…..the guy sheepishly rolled the window down, both of them frozen in position.
- My friend, not a little non-plussed managed to ask the guy what the hell he thought he was doing in broad daylight in public.
- He said the guy just looked up at him with a weak half hearted smile and said….”I don’t suppose you’d believe this is a new form of airbag would you…..”…
- My friend said he almost peed himself laughing and just told the couple to get themselves dressed and git!, and left laughing all the way back to headquarters…..
- Bang
Driving under the influence of femininity?
My father told me a story about something like that happening near a place he used to work years ago. Apparently at the “moment of truth”, the driver ran a red light and was broadsided; this caused the passenger to sever something with her teeth…he bled to death. Something to consider…
You are right there is a time and place for everything. With that said men are pigs and any guy that denies it is a liar. I don’t know of any red blooded male that hasn’t looked at a hot babe and thought “Damn I’d like to _______” well maybe if he is gay.
The car he was driving could have had a standard transmission and she was helping him with his stick shift? Are you sure it wasn’t a Hummer and not a Jetta damn I’m sorry he was driving a Jetta and getting a…Ummmm….ahhh…you know. It could be a solution to road rage?
So, if the male driving had been receiving similar attention from another guy, this post would have said . . .
Not the kind of attention I care for while driving. I drive in Florida! If your attention ain’t on the road, you could wake up dead!
Can you imagine the cop if he had to give breathalizers?
(Sister you should have used that little face so that I would have caught on faster!)
Hey at least your drive wasn’t the same old same old! Was the guy driving a hummer?
Thanks Tommy you just helped prove my point that men are pigs! You’re all right I don’t care what the others say about you.
That is completely disgusting and unacceptable! Someone should tell her not to do that in public. In fact, I will do it. Does anyone have her number?
Or her sister’s?
There aren’t too many men (straight or gay) who havent been on a long haul and let the mind wander to “Damn i wish i was getting some he……lp”.
But even if i would partake — i wouldn’t for utter fear of anything happening to the lil conquistador — there is a definit need for discretion, if not for yourself as the taker, at least as respect for the giver
.
Are there any “fantasy” thoughts that women’s minds wander to on long monotonous drives?
Your welcome Jim and bolgagag Ihope you’re being sarcasic and not serious
Blogagog if you do get her number you should have her reenact her misdeed so you can show her where she went wrong so that she won’t do it again at least in a moving car.
In a scenario like in Garp, there’d be no ticket issued. The accident happened on private property, not a public throughfare.
This thread reminds me of an e-mail I got from one of my “Black Bag” Navy friends. It was from Germany, and to put it politely, the woman serviced the gear shift of the car.
I do not recommend such a procedure in lieu of a regular tune up and regular replacement of the fluids and filters in your transmission.
I assumed asking for her sister’s number kind of gave it away tommy
PCD was the car moving and could that be considered a moving violation?
heh.. I found the cell conversation a bit rude, but other than that I spent half my teens having sex in cars. Until I disovered 4 wheeling I thought that was the actual purpose of my parents SUVs! (I’ve had two SUVs of my own since) Go figure
Call me old fashioned lol, but I think these things are more enjoyable when you’re parked.
- No doubt the demise of the drive-in theater simply increased the incidents of another sort of sexual revolution in America…”Mobile monkey business”… *chuckle*
- Bang
I think this guy is an utter mommy’s boy pig. It is one thing for this to happen in the privacy of one’s home, but on the road and desiring onlookers. Look at me!!! Look at me!!! Mommy ST isn’t looking at me!! beep beep Good Lord Dude didn’t your mom hug you enough when you were a kiddie. Cut the apron strings that cries for all this attention and become a man. This is just an infantile show of assnine proportions, and this guy things he’s cool. Men like this just drive me crazy. Talk about subjecting a woman to a subserviant role of a prostitute. And some of those posting here, who think this is cool and acceptable behaivior, are suppose to be for woman’s rights. HA!!! I would never, I have never, and when I hear about it I consider it beneath me as a man of honor. Also I have driven over 1000 miles from here to Mobile Alabama in 14.5 hours and the only thought on my mind was getting to my destination safe. – Lorica
Jim, once you cross onto your own property, the police bow out. You may note that police do not come to parking lot accidents unless one of the participants is getting violent or making threats for the same reason, not their jurisdiction.
- OT – Operation “Swarmer” was launched into the city of Smara by the US military, including some estimated 1500 trrops made up of elements from both american and Iraqui forces, The apparent intent is to clean out insurgent strongholds in that area prior to the upcoming holiday in the country. Advance story here ….
- Bang
PCD it might be just small town but when that lady backed into my Vette it was in a Publix parking lot and the city police had a report for Private Property and wrote it up I picked up a copy the next day. Oh and Allstate still hasn’t paid looks like a trip to small claims court.
Too bad bush can’t juggle that many balls in the air. We might not be in such a deep hole. Peace
Steve you wish you had some balls to juggle!
Had to laugh when I read that, and then I thought how thankful you should feel that you weren’t behind these people instead…
“When Italian police pulled over the vehicle, they found a completely naked 70-year-old woman who had been trying to have sex with the driver — 11 years her junior.”
This post would have been ironic if the guy happend to also drive a “Hummer” instead of a Jetta…
Sis, if you give out points for good responses, Daniel just earned a few!