Comments on: A post that may get me in trouble http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/ Don't dis or dismiss this miss! Sat, 21 Nov 2009 23:28:30 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 By: Dana http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/comment-page-2/#comment-105874 Dana Sat, 15 Apr 2006 21:34:30 +0000 http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/#comment-105874 It might be impolitic to ask, but why buy an engagement ring at all? Pam said: <blockquote>The ring is an investment..always keep that in mind..it is better to get quality rather than quantity on a diamond! It is an investment in your future together.</blockquote> It seems a strange way to put it: to see it in monetary terms is something that would occur only if the couple broke up and the ring was sold! (Pam did put it in monetary terms further in her comment.) The fact is that it becomes a financial burden: a month's salary or ½ a month's salary is a big thing to people living from paycheck-to-paycheck, and if the ring has to be financed, it becomes just another bill to be paid as a young couple, presumably not at the peak of their earning potential, are starting out in life. The $28,000 proposed ring that got this thread started would make a pretty decent down payment on a house. $28,000 would pay for a year in college for one of their children, which they don't (yet) have, and if put into an educational savings plan, might just wind up paying for college, period, when their children do get old enough. Instead, by spending it on an engagement ring, it is a $28,000 accessory, an end product, serving no purpose more valuable than allowing the <strike>wench</strike> lady in question to flaunt it to her friends. It might be impolitic to ask, but why buy an engagement ring at all?

Pam said:

The ring is an investment..always keep that in mind..it is better to get quality rather than quantity on a diamond! It is an investment in your future together.

It seems a strange way to put it: to see it in monetary terms is something that would occur only if the couple broke up and the ring was sold! (Pam did put it in monetary terms further in her comment.)

The fact is that it becomes a financial burden: a month’s salary or ½ a month’s salary is a big thing to people living from paycheck-to-paycheck, and if the ring has to be financed, it becomes just another bill to be paid as a young couple, presumably not at the peak of their earning potential, are starting out in life.

The $28,000 proposed ring that got this thread started would make a pretty decent down payment on a house. $28,000 would pay for a year in college for one of their children, which they don’t (yet) have, and if put into an educational savings plan, might just wind up paying for college, period, when their children do get old enough.

Instead, by spending it on an engagement ring, it is a $28,000 accessory, an end product, serving no purpose more valuable than allowing the wench lady in question to flaunt it to her friends.

]]> By: sanity http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/comment-page-2/#comment-105538 sanity Sat, 15 Apr 2006 02:32:38 +0000 http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/#comment-105538 Wife corrected me. She talked me out of buying a more expensive ring for her. She also said that material things do NOT prove Love. *chuckles* Wife corrected me.

She talked me out of buying a more expensive ring for her.

She also said that material things do NOT prove Love.

*chuckles*

]]> By: Baklava http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/comment-page-2/#comment-105287 Baklava Fri, 14 Apr 2006 19:35:52 +0000 http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/#comment-105287 oH my eyes.... oH my eyes….

]]> By: sanity http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/comment-page-2/#comment-105282 sanity Fri, 14 Apr 2006 18:53:31 +0000 http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/#comment-105282 Singles still have fun it seems, look at what happens when Ms. Piggy is gone away from Kermit: <a href="http://www.geocities.com/karik_ventrue/froggy.gif" rel="nofollow">Link</a> :-" Singles still have fun it seems, look at what happens when Ms. Piggy is gone away from Kermit: Link

:-"

]]> By: Sister Toldjah http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/comment-page-2/#comment-105264 Sister Toldjah Fri, 14 Apr 2006 03:30:56 +0000 http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/#comment-105264 LOL Bang and Cav =p~ LOL Bang and Cav =p~

]]> By: CavalierX http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/comment-page-2/#comment-105263 CavalierX Fri, 14 Apr 2006 03:23:28 +0000 http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/#comment-105263 >All this marriage talk is giving me hives… And flashbacks. b-( >All this marriage talk is giving me hives…

And flashbacks. b-(

]]> By: Big Bang Hunter http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/comment-page-2/#comment-105259 Big Bang Hunter Fri, 14 Apr 2006 02:11:39 +0000 http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/#comment-105259 - All this marriage talk is giving me hives..... - Bang :-& - All this marriage talk is giving me hives…..

- Bang :-&

]]> By: Dana http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/comment-page-2/#comment-105255 Dana Fri, 14 Apr 2006 01:42:30 +0000 http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/#comment-105255 Baklava wrote: <blockquote>Let's propose a prohibition of marriage for Lutherans, Methodists, Baptists, Presbyterians, and even atheists to adhere to Steve's ideas.</blockquote> Whew! Thank God I'm Catholic! Baklava wrote:

Let’s propose a prohibition of marriage for Lutherans, Methodists, Baptists, Presbyterians, and even atheists to adhere to Steve’s ideas.

Whew! Thank God I’m Catholic!

]]> By: Dana http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/comment-page-2/#comment-105254 Dana Fri, 14 Apr 2006 01:39:47 +0000 http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/#comment-105254 Our esteemed blogmistress wrote: <blockquote>You're right - the gal in question is very high maintenance (but nice … I've met her a few times). </blockquote> High maintenance can still be nice -- to someone who doesn't have to do the maintenance! Our esteemed blogmistress wrote:

You’re right – the gal in question is very high maintenance (but nice … I’ve met her a few times).

High maintenance can still be nice — to someone who doesn’t have to do the maintenance!

]]> By: CZ http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/comment-page-2/#comment-105253 CZ Fri, 14 Apr 2006 01:37:02 +0000 http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/#comment-105253 Steve?.....Steve?....only one comment on this topic? I wish I knew how to quit you!!!! <):)<):) Steve?…..Steve?….only one comment on this topic?

I wish I knew how to quit you!!!!

<):)<):)

]]> By: Pam http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/comment-page-2/#comment-105252 Pam Fri, 14 Apr 2006 01:36:42 +0000 http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/#comment-105252 The ring is an investment..always keep that in mind..it is better to get quality rather than quantity on a diamond! It is an investment in your future together. 1. 1/2 of monthly salary. 2. I don't think I would be offended because he would see things my way. 3. It is an investment and if we are at the ingagement stage, I know his finances and visa versus. I would hear out his reasons for spending less and if they are valid and the money not spent on the ring were going to a beneficial investment for both of us..so be it..I still have him, the investment and the crappy ring. 4. There are quality used gems out there..Just get a good appraiser to look at the stone before you buy it...Do not take someones word for it..even if it is at a jewelry store you know to be good...most stores offer you the chance to have an outside appraiser give it a look... The ring is an investment..always keep that in mind..it is better to get quality rather than quantity on a diamond! It is an investment in your future together.

1. 1/2 of monthly salary.
2. I don’t think I would be offended because he would see things my way.
3. It is an investment and if we are at the ingagement stage, I know his finances and visa versus. I would hear out his reasons for spending less and if they are valid and the money not spent on the ring were going to a beneficial investment for both of us..so be it..I still have him, the investment and the crappy ring.
4. There are quality used gems out there..Just get a good appraiser to look at the stone before you buy it…Do not take someones word for it..even if it is at a jewelry store you know to be good…most stores offer you the chance to have an outside appraiser give it a look…

]]> By: Dana http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/comment-page-2/#comment-105251 Dana Fri, 14 Apr 2006 01:36:25 +0000 http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/#comment-105251 Elaine and I were both dirt poor when I asked her to marry me. There was no engagement ring, and the honeymoon was a weekend camping in Boonesboro state park; that's it. So far, we've been married for 26 years, 10 months and 25 days; apparently the lack of an engagement ring wasn't a problem. Elaine and I were both dirt poor when I asked her to marry me. There was no engagement ring, and the honeymoon was a weekend camping in Boonesboro state park; that’s it.

So far, we’ve been married for 26 years, 10 months and 25 days; apparently the lack of an engagement ring wasn’t a problem.

]]> By: Sister Toldjah http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/comment-page-2/#comment-105250 Sister Toldjah Fri, 14 Apr 2006 01:29:23 +0000 http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/#comment-105250 Bach, the man in question isn't filthy rich, but he's not hurting for cash, for sure. Although he may be if he buys this ring ;) Bach, the man in question isn’t filthy rich, but he’s not hurting for cash, for sure. Although he may be if he buys this ring ;)

]]> By: Bachbone http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/comment-page-2/#comment-105248 Bachbone Fri, 14 Apr 2006 01:22:58 +0000 http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/#comment-105248 I'm assuming, from your scenario, ST, that the man isn't wealthy. So -- given that courtships generally find participants on their 'good behavior' (<i>all</i> our quirks don't expose themselves until <i>after</i> we're married), the guy in question should, to quote Elmer Fudd, "Be afwaid! Be vewwy, vewwy afwaid!" If his intended is this demanding and inconsiderate now, what does he think she will be like when the proverbial honeymoon is over? Will she want a mansion? A Mercedes? A maid? Love is quite often myopic, if not blind, but it ought not be deaf, stupid and poor, too. It's a thousand times easier, emotionally and legally, to break up a (potential?) engagement than to break up a marriage. b-( There are many pearls in the ocean if we will but take the time to look. Don't necessarily set your sights on the first one you find. :-$ I’m assuming, from your scenario, ST, that the man isn’t wealthy. So — given that courtships generally find participants on their ‘good behavior’ (all our quirks don’t expose themselves until after we’re married), the guy in question should, to quote Elmer Fudd, “Be afwaid! Be vewwy, vewwy afwaid!” If his intended is this demanding and inconsiderate now, what does he think she will be like when the proverbial honeymoon is over? Will she want a mansion? A Mercedes? A maid? Love is quite often myopic, if not blind, but it ought not be deaf, stupid and poor, too. It’s a thousand times easier, emotionally and legally, to break up a (potential?) engagement than to break up a marriage. b-( There are many pearls in the ocean if we will but take the time to look. Don’t necessarily set your sights on the first one you find. :-$

]]> By: Pamela http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/comment-page-1/#comment-105244 Pamela Fri, 14 Apr 2006 00:33:55 +0000 http://sistertoldjah.com/archives/2006/04/13/a-post-that-may-get-me-in-trouble/#comment-105244 I have small hands andd fingers, so a huge diamond looks rediculous anyway. My Mom gave me her set(parents divorced long ago). I found a great 1920's ring at an antique auction. I had her diamonds put into it, and gold added to the shank. It is a beautiful ring. I have a milgrained edged roase gold band and a white gold band so I can mix and match. I would never even let anyone spend more then 1,000 on a ring. Spend the $$ on a nice honeymoon, or put it away for the future, or a car. I think you can be romantic and sensible at the same time. I really like that idea. Make the focus on the marriage, not the "fluff" of the wedding and ring" I have small hands andd fingers, so a huge diamond looks rediculous anyway.

My Mom gave me her set(parents divorced long ago). I found a great 1920’s ring at an antique auction. I had her diamonds put into it, and gold added to the shank.

It is a beautiful ring.

I have a milgrained edged roase gold band and a white gold band so I can mix and match.

I would never even let anyone spend more then 1,000 on a ring. Spend the $$ on a nice honeymoon, or put it away for the future, or a car.

I think you can be romantic and sensible at the same time. I really like that idea. Make the focus on the marriage, not the “fluff” of the wedding and ring”

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