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Audacity of Truth
Whiner-in-Chief:
"[W]hether the grumbling is about Republicans on Fox or bloggers in pajamas, there's a word for what the president and his aides are doing. That word is "whining." And nothing [...] does more damage to Obama's credibility or authority than the sense that a popular president is becoming the whiner-in-chief."
- John Nichols, Nation Magazine - 10/12/09
Mon/Tues open thread and informal survey
I was just settling in for the evening and reading one of my favorite women’s magazines (First), and I came across a reader survey they did, which asked: “When should married couples sleep apart?” Oh, and by sleep, they mean actually sleeping, not the other “sleeping”! 
The responses were:
88% say it’s alright to do it occasionally when one partner snores.
61% say it’s alright to do it often when one partner has extreme work stress.
53% say it’s already to do it always when one partner has insomnia.
My personal opinion? I agree with the minority who voted “no way,” like this gal did:
“My husband and I solved our bed-sharing issues by getting a king-size bed. I cannot imagine not sleeping in the same bed as him. I love that he is the last thing I see before I fall asleep and the first thing I see when I wake up.” – Nicky, 33, Bowling Green, KY
Of course, I’m a hopeless romantic, so that’s a sentiment with which I wholeheartedly agree. I can’t think of a reason why I’d ever have my (future) husband sleep on the couch, or in another room in the house. However, if I’d found out he were cheating, it wouldn’t be the couch or another room in the house he’d be sleeping in, but a hotel, with bags packed. We’d sort out the details later.
I remember years and years ago my mom and I were watching a sitcom and the two main characters, a married couple, had had an argument and the wife made him sleep on the couch. After chuckling at the scene, I turned to mom and said something along the lines of, “I bet there’s been a few times dad’s been in that same situation” and she looked at me in all seriousness and said he hadn’t ever been, that early on in their marriage (apparently after an argument) they agreed that there would be no sleeping on the couch, that even if they had arguments before they went to bed they would never go to sleep mad at each other. Mom has never believed in the “make him sleep on the couch” philosophy, and I can’t say I disagree at all.
Firstly, it’s easier to fall asleep when you’re not mad than when you are. Secondly, married couples should be able to agree to disagree before hitting the pillow, because who wants to wake up in the morning still irked at their spouse for something said the night before? It totally starts the day off wrong, after ending the previous day on the wrong foot. And finally, no issue should be so huge that it comes between you and that goodnight kiss (or more …).
What are your thoughts? Do you agree or disagree with the results?
—–
Edited to add: I just took the online survey for the question “Is it okay for married couples to frequently sleep apart?” and the response so far is 75% saying “no!” So, it sounds as though First readers are conflicted and that all hope is not lost here 
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My wife and I sleep in different beds, but for a weird reason…she doesn’t like to get too warm while sleeping and I, on the other hand, do. Even if it was 90 degress outside and we didn’t have a/c, I’d STILL snuggle up with a comforter. lol I can never be too warm.
Also, she says I put off heat like crazy and even in the winter when we turn down the furnace at night, it gets too hot under the sheets (no, not in that way!). Plus, when I’m really, really tired I snore loud enough to shake the rafters. Also, I’m a “cuddler”…if she’s in the same bed as me, I snuggle up to her. With her complaining about it getting too hot, well…you see the problem.
So, she sleeps in our king-sized bed, I sleep in the guest bed. Sometimes, though, she will sleep downstairs on the couch, because it’s cooler down there (to her, anyway…feels the same to me).
My mom told my wife I’ve always been that way. I’d close my bedroom door at night in the winter so the heat wouldn’t leave the room…she said when she’d come in to wake me up for school it was like a sauna in there. lol
Some might find it weird, but I don’t, and neither does she. It doesn’t mean we love each other any less. It just means that we’d prefer to get a good night’s sleep. At this age, and with two kids, “other” thoughts are secondary to that. lol
“Is it okay for married couples to frequently sleep apart?”
- /snark on ….There are countless millions of women I don’t sleep with every night, and I didn’t even have to marry them to do it. /snark off
- Other than for legitimate reasons of mutual comfort, if theres “other” reasons of incompatibility that causes the apartheid, then the couple should probably not be married in the first place. But then again, thats my romantic side talking.
- On the other hand, I’m fairly certain that if I told My red headed firebrand Irish sweety that after we marry we’ll sleep apart, I think the wedding would be postponed indefinitely. Either that or she would play along, and then after the fact use her bratty side “goodnight kiss (or more …)” womanly wiles to adjust my attitude on the matter.
- BBH –
My husband and I couldn’t be more opposite when it comes to sleeping. He snores loud and I have insomnia. I also have no temperature control when I finally do sleep. If I get too hot, I don’t wake up to kick off the covers. This causes me to sweat profusely and my husband can’t stand to sleep right next to me (I know it’s gross). We sleep apart about 90% of the time and we are okay with that.
Some people may be compatible in all ways, but sleeping. And I think it is more of an issue as we get older.
Gale says I snore, whatever. And then he is a light sleeper and he likes lots of covers. I do not. We also get up at different times and go to bed at different times. So as we grow older we have found there are times when we sleep better when we sleep apart.
BBH:
Things change as you grow older. When most people first together issues like night sweating, insomnia, snoring, talking in sleep, how many times you get up to go to the bathroom…are the least of your concerns. The bed tends to be for things other than sleeping.
- Well Terrye, since I’m only a spry middle age of 68, and My sweetie is a baby at 40, I’ll try to remember to not be too “frisky” when I’m older…. *snort*
- BBH –
I’ve been farting in bed and pulling the covers over my wife’s head for 18 years!
We’ve been married for 28 years, 3 months and 2 days, and we’ve always slept in the same bed. Yeah, Elaine hates the covers unless it’s really cold, and I’ve usually got them pulled over me, and sometimes she’ll turn on the light and reread a Harry Potter book, but so what?
/Drool – Lorica
Would Excessive Drooling get me kicked out of bed??? You know I wouldn’t be able to help myself.
– Lorica
Not having a lady in my life this close (in bed) for a few years now, the one thing I miss deeply is waking up to see the one I love with the smile that melts your heart. I could not even imagine having to search another bed for that.
All I can say is, the last lady friend I had was a 50 year old married woman whose husband didn’t want to sleep with her because he said she snored. He had also neglected other husbandly duties entirely for two years. I was kind enough to pick up the slack for him.
Men, if you don’t want to sleep with your women, you can count on one thing: someone else will.
As a devout Muslim, I have a hard time finding a bed big enough to accommodate all 15 of my wives and I at the same time. Inevitably, I sleep in different beds than some of my wives.
Link
95% of the time Jared and I sleep together. That said, there are exceptions, usually one of:
(a) I have to get up at 5 AM to work an election;
(b) it is unbearably warm in our bedroom and I can’t fall asleep, but there is another room which isn’t unbearably warm (due to the geography of the place; if it wouldn’t be a pain in the **** i’d suggest rearranging into that room, actually).
Sleep number bed – air adjustable unit, (I don’t know what they’re called exactly) may have contributed a great deal to keeping couples coupled.
MORE on the NASA United States temperature issues.