- Sister Toldjah - https://sistertoldjah.com -

On oak trees, weeping willows, and the fragility of life (FRIDAY UPDATE)

Friday Update – 10:00 PM: Dad willl be in the hospital til Mon. when biopsy will occur. Got news tonight that was grounds for cautious optimism but we won’t know for sure until biopsy results come in. Thanks again big time for the prayers & well wishes. Y’all are AWESOME. :)

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Hey y’all. I rarely make prayer requests here but need to do so tonight. My dear old dad (who I’ve written about him a little here at the blog, usually on Father’s Day – see here [1], here [2], here [3], and here [4]), is going through some health issues related to his diabetes. Specifically, he’s having trouble with one of his kidneys. He was in the hospital today at the insistence of his primary care physician and will hopefully be released tomorrow. There were some tests and scans run on him today to determine the problem. He’ll have to have a biopsy next week to determine whether his condition is manageable with medication or whether more drastic measures have to be taken, like dialysis or even kidney removal. Obviously, we’re praying it can be managed via medication.

Been difficult seeing him in the hospital in his hospital gown in the hospital bed. No one is really fond of hospitals, but I am especially not – haven’t been since I was a teenager having to wait in a hospital as my grandmother slowly died from lung failure that stemmed from some 30 years of smoking. Hospitals smell like, well, hospitals – not only that, but dad has looked so fragile laying there, trying to be brave.

Dad’s always been like an oak tree to me; solid and strong. The last couple of days he’s displayed a vulnerability that is rare for him. As I’ve written before, he’s been dealing with issues related to his diabetes for years, and it – along with decades of working hard labor jobs – have taken their toll on him (he’s in his mid 60s) and it has been hard watching him no longer be able to do some of the things he used to. To his oak tree, I’ve been a bit of a weeping willow for the last few months. I have tried not to think too much about the health issues he’s been battling, something that is easy to do, because you wouldn’t know he’s got the issues he does just by being around him.

I guess I’ve sort of been in denial about his condition, not wanting to acknowledge to myself that dad is indeed mortal and, unlike an oak tree, will not be around forever. When I do allow myself to think about all he’s gone through health-wise, it makes me cry. I talked to my mother about this today and she told me she felt similarly when her mother (my grams) as she got older. She didn’t want to imagine her mother not being around, so she kind of had it in her mind that if she could keep grams active that grams would be ok. I’m not delusional and have known for a while about the affect diabetes was having on him, but my (naive) thoughts were that as long as he continued to eat right and take his medication it wouldn’t get worse.

And to see my mother and the emotions she’s going through, wondering and worrying and trying her best to stay strong for my dad’s sake … well, let me just say that on that basis no one would ever know that I was her daughter, because she is way stronger than I am when it comes to these types of things. She just has one of those inner strengths that mothers/wives typically have, and all I can do is watch and (hopefully) learn.

Anyway, sorry to be rambling. Just wanted to explain what was going on, and ask for thoughts and prayers. Next week’s biopsy will tell us a lot. Once dad’s back home (hopefully tomorrow) and gets settled in, I’ll be back to blogging. Writing is a form of release for me no matter what mood I’m in, and it’ll be good for me to get back into that groove.

Thanks for listening. :)