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Audacity of Truth
Letting go
Tomorrow is the big day for me. I’ll be signing my life away (as they say) as I close on the first home I have ever owned. It’ll be a very exciting day for me, but at the same time somewhat bittersweet.
Townhome living is not conducive to the energy of an active indoor/outdoor cat. There’s not much yard, but a big dangerous-to-outdoor-pets parking lot. All of Muffie’s life, she’s been indoor/outdoor. If she’s been inside too long, she lets me know it. She truly loves the outdoors – especially in the fall and spring.
After Friday, Muffie will be left in the care of my mom and dad. She loves both my parents a great deal and she’ll be able to run and play and enjoy the outdoors like she always has. I knew going into this that that was a decision I was going to have to make – I weighed the options of buying a house versus a townhome, but all the way around the townhome was a better option for me. I felt it would be selfish of me to try and get her accustomed to staying strictly indoors, when it’s obvious how much she relishes her time outside.
It’s going to be really odd waking up in the morning and not seeing her just a couple of feet away, looking at me like “time to feed me and let me out!” It’ll be strange not seeing her run up to me first thing when I pull into the driveway – she will oftentimes trot beside me as I unlock the door and will be the first to make it inside the house in the evening. Logging on to the computer will be weird because she won’t be there to stare at me with her hazel eyes as if to say “can I have a few Pounce treats?”
Going to bed probably be the toughest – right now, she sleeps in a box I got from Amazon.com a few years ago when I ordered some books. I was going to toss it out the day the package arrived, but she took a nap in it that day and I decided to hold on to it because of that and she’s slept in it ever since. It’s on the bed, on the lefthand side towards the foot end. Every night she gets in (usually before midnight) and goes to sleep. She always looks so peaceful. Sometimes she’s rolled up in the box so tightly that you can feel the warmth she emanates by petting her. The last thing I usually do before I turn out the light is give her a kiss on both ears (cats have the cutest ears!) and a scratch between those little ears.
I will adjust, but the first couple of weeks will be difficult. I know she will be in great care, but I worry how this will affect her – will she understand? Will she think I’ve abandoned her? I plan on visiting often (it’ll only be about a fifteen minute drive) just so she knows I still exist and still love her with all my heart.
I remember several years ago she went missing for about a week. I was literally sick with worry. I didn’t even want to come home in the evenings because I hated the fact that she wasn’t running up to my car to greet me. Had she not returned, the professionals would have had to put me in staight jacket. I know some people think it may be silly to have this much affection for a pet, but for some people, their pets are their children. I don’t have any children, so Muffie is like my child. It will be hard to let her go, but it would be selfish for me to attempt to turn her into an indoor cat. She’s amazing outside – so fast and sleek when she runs, and she knows how to stalk and prowl for sure 
She is in her element outdoors and I wouldn’t take that away from her for the world.
Thank goodness this isn’t paper because if it was it wouldn’t be readable for all the tear stains.
Thanks for enduring my very public moment of weakness.
To my baby girl: I love you.
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18 Responses to “Letting go”
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Disclaimer: The views expressed on this blog do not necessarily reflect those of ST's advertisers, nor do their opinions necessarily reflect ST's. Stats
This might be the sweetest read I’ve had in a long time. You’re iron encased by velvet. Good luck with the closing tomorrow, ST.
What Kevin said, Sistertoldjah.
I still think you’ll find a way to smuggle Muffie inside your new place.
Or take her out to lunch every now and then.
Jack.
You’ll feel better in the long run. I had to give my cat up when I moved into a new apartment. He lives at my parents’ business. The place is cat heaven. It worked out in the end; because I wound up marrying someone allergic to cats.
Good luck on closing and double-check those documents. My lawyer treated our closing rather lazily until *I* (an engineer, not a lawyer) figured out that all of the loan documents were based on the wrong term. They got to redraft all of the documents.
It was a longer day than it needed to be.
I ’spect you’ll be visiting your folks more often now, gorgeous…chin up.
t’ll be tough folks get attached to pets but you’ll see her. As long as Muffle gots milk and play toys and people who care for her the kitty-cat will be allright ST. Congrats on the new house.
ST, I had to find new homes for the cats I had. It still hurts. Anytime you want to talk, I’ll be there for you.
Know that you are doing the right thing for Muffie. Good Luck today – I’ll keep you in my thoughts today.
This would be a very tough decision to make, one I don’t know if I could make. I love my boyz so much that I don’t think I could do it. Muffie is such a beautiful cat. I am glad tho that she will be with your parents. – Lorica
ST, sorry to hear you can’t have your little darlin with you in the new place, but at least you know she has a good place to live and will be loved.
Congrats again on the new place! You’ll love it, there’s nothing like owning your own place. Might as well build equity instead of pay rent. Plus, it just feels so much more like home when it’s actually yours.
Hope your move goes well!
*Hugs*
Good for you, ST. You did the right thing.
I’d take the cat inside, but then I’m a radical. Peace
Congrats on the new house! I know the feeling regarding pets; I moved from a 1070 sq. ft apartment to a 717 sq. ft. condo.
Both my boys are indoors. And the view here just SUCKS.
I don’t know. Would’ve liked to see ya try keeping her indoors first. Nothing says you can’t change your mind, though.
Ya’ll are the best – I appreciate the kind thoughts expressed … I’m doing better tonight than I was last night. Closing finally behind me. Hooray!
Laurence Simon at IFOC has a tribute today to a big cat named Bruno we just lost at the Houston Zoo.
http://isfullofcrap.com/oldcrap/2006/01/goodbye_bruno.html
It seems cat-loving bloggers are a big group on the web!
Sis:
I have the perfect solution. We have a cat (named Kitten; named by the previous owners, who threw her out), who is a completely indoor cat. She won’t sleep in a box at the foot of your bed: she’ll insist on sleeping with you, on the bed, in the crook of your knees. If you happen to have another human being in the bed with you, Kitten will insist on sleeping between you!
You take Kitten, and we’ll take Muffie, and she’ll be able to enjoy the outdoors in the Poconos.
Dana, you are breaking my heart. Kitten sounds like my Snowball that I had to give up. Sorry, I have to leave and compose myself.
ST, bless your heart!
I know how much it hurts to let go.
I have four cats and two dogs. I used to have five cats, but one learned how to open the door and escaped. My whole family cried over losing him.
Nothin silly about having feelings when you are letting go of a friend!
But Hey!
You still have visitation!
Hugs from Texas.