Letting go

Tomorrow is the big day for me. I’ll be signing my life away (as they say) as I close on the first home I have ever owned. It’ll be a very exciting day for me, but at the same time somewhat bittersweet.

Townhome living is not conducive to the energy of an active indoor/outdoor cat. There’s not much yard, but a big dangerous-to-outdoor-pets parking lot. All of Muffie’s life, she’s been indoor/outdoor. If she’s been inside too long, she lets me know it. She truly loves the outdoors – especially in the fall and spring.

After Friday, Muffie will be left in the care of my mom and dad. She loves both my parents a great deal and she’ll be able to run and play and enjoy the outdoors like she always has. I knew going into this that that was a decision I was going to have to make – I weighed the options of buying a house versus a townhome, but all the way around the townhome was a better option for me. I felt it would be selfish of me to try and get her accustomed to staying strictly indoors, when it’s obvious how much she relishes her time outside.

It’s going to be really odd waking up in the morning and not seeing her just a couple of feet away, looking at me like “time to feed me and let me out!” It’ll be strange not seeing her run up to me first thing when I pull into the driveway – she will oftentimes trot beside me as I unlock the door and will be the first to make it inside the house in the evening. Logging on to the computer will be weird because she won’t be there to stare at me with her hazel eyes as if to say “can I have a few Pounce treats?”

Going to bed probably be the toughest – right now, she sleeps in a box I got from Amazon.com a few years ago when I ordered some books. I was going to toss it out the day the package arrived, but she took a nap in it that day and I decided to hold on to it because of that and she’s slept in it ever since. It’s on the bed, on the lefthand side towards the foot end. Every night she gets in (usually before midnight) and goes to sleep. She always looks so peaceful. Sometimes she’s rolled up in the box so tightly that you can feel the warmth she emanates by petting her. The last thing I usually do before I turn out the light is give her a kiss on both ears (cats have the cutest ears!) and a scratch between those little ears.

I will adjust, but the first couple of weeks will be difficult. I know she will be in great care, but I worry how this will affect her – will she understand? Will she think I’ve abandoned her? I plan on visiting often (it’ll only be about a fifteen minute drive) just so she knows I still exist and still love her with all my heart.

I remember several years ago she went missing for about a week. I was literally sick with worry. I didn’t even want to come home in the evenings because I hated the fact that she wasn’t running up to my car to greet me. Had she not returned, the professionals would have had to put me in staight jacket. I know some people think it may be silly to have this much affection for a pet, but for some people, their pets are their children. I don’t have any children, so Muffie is like my child. It will be hard to let her go, but it would be selfish for me to attempt to turn her into an indoor cat. She’s amazing outside – so fast and sleek when she runs, and she knows how to stalk and prowl for sure She is in her element outdoors and I wouldn’t take that away from her for the world.

Thank goodness this isn’t paper because if it was it wouldn’t be readable for all the tear stains.

Thanks for enduring my very public moment of weakness.

To my baby girl: I love you.