Tuesday fun – and open thread

Posted by: ST on January 30, 2007 at 11:45 am

Any of you gents out there who are unsure of what a woman means when she says it, please read below for clarification ;)

Words Women Use:

1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in “fine”.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying SCREW YOU!

9.) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “what’s wrong” and for the woman’s response to that, refer to # 3.

Hat tip: Ro

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14 Responses to “Tuesday fun – and open thread”

Comments

  1. sanity says:

    What a man says, what he really means…

    I’m hungry = I’m hungry

    I’m tired = I’m tired

    Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you

    Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you

    Would you like to dance? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you

    Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you

    Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!

    You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you

    “Let’s talk.” = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then we can get down to business

    “What’s wrong?” = I don’t see why you are making such a big deal out of this.

    You look upset = I guess sex tonight is out of the question

    “I love you, too.” = Okay, I said it…we’d better have sex now!

    Yes, I love your new hairstyle = I liked it better before

    Yes, your haircut looks good = $50 and it doesn’t even look different!

    I like the first dress you tried on better = Pick any freakin’ dress and let’s go!

    “Will you marry me?” = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

  2. PCD says:

    How about yelling at the husband for doing a chore instead of huntign down a child to do it?

  3. Baklava says:

    How Baklava is programmed after hearing the woman say:

    1.) FINE: This is where I say oops and get her flowers.

    2.) Five Minutes: I enjoy the fashion show and share my appreciation for allowing me to view the fashion show by making sure my enjoyment is evident. Hoping it turns into a well used 30 minutes :o

    3.) Nothing: See item #1.

    4.) Go Ahead: I change my mind and do what she wanted me to do originally (if I can figure that out)

    5.) Loud Sigh: See item #1 – add another flower per sigh.

    6.) That’s Okay: See item #4 and #1.

    7.) Thanks: I say you’re welcome.

    8.) Whatever: Apologize, flowers and wine!

    9.) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Jump up and do the job twice as good as she expected it to be done.

  4. sanity says:

    Bak you must go through ALOT of flowers…lol

  5. Baklava says:

    Nope. I got it covered so that the triggers are hit seldom :d

  6. Marshall Art says:

    I’m quite familiar with all of those definitions, but one has been forgotten: nothing speaks volumes more than……”THE LOOK!!!”

  7. Karl says:

    CAN’T WE JUST BE FRIENDS?
    There is no way I’m going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, ever again.

    I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
    … without you in it.

    DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
    We haven’t had a fight in a while.

    NO, PIZZA’S FINE.
    … you cheap slob!

    I JUST DON’T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
    I just don’t want you as a boyfriend now.

    I DON’T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
    I can’t believe you have nothing planned.

    COME HERE.
    My puppy does this, too.

    I LIKE YOU, BUT…
    I don’t like you.

    OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.
    … just not in that way.

    YOU NEVER LISTEN.
    You never listen.

    WE’RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY.
    I’m not pursuing this relationship until I am positive I can’t do any better than you.

    I’LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
    I’m ready, but I’m going to make you wait because I know you will.

  8. Tom TB says:

    How about the loud sigh and the stare that would turn a rattle snake to stone at the same time?

  9. Ryan says:

    I would add this..

    YOU NEVER LISTEN..
    You listen, but you take the things I say literally. Don’t you realize that I don’t actually mean what I say? You stupid moron.

  10. benning says:

    Gotta hand it to you, ST, you always give us information we can use!:)>-

    Now, remember something, Guys: when the woman is describing a problem she is having, she is not inviting you to think of a solution. She is talking it out. Your only job during this is to sit still, shut up, and listen. Do not offer suggestions! Do not give advice! Just shut up and listen.:-$

    If she decides she wants your help, and not simply your company as she vents, she will ask for help. Until then … do nothing! Disregard at your peril!:((

    I speak from experience! :-"

  11. Steve Skubinna says:

    The one that always turned my blood to ice was “What are you thinking about?”

    Uh oh. Hmmm… what does she want me to be thinking about? What does she want me not to be thinking about? I guess answering “nothing” is the wrong answer. I can’t say I was wondering what we should have for dinner, it’s got to be about her. I sure can’t say I was wondering if we’ll have sex tonight. If I say “I was just thinking about how much I love you” she’ll know it’s BS and insist I tell her what it really was.

    And what was it really at the time? I’ve forgotten. Crap, too late, she’s noticed my pause and knows I’m trying to figure it out so whatever I say is wrong.

    But whatever I would have said, even if instantly, would have been wrong too.