My responses to select spam email headlines

Posted by: ST on January 30, 2009 at 10:00 pm

I never respond to spam email, but tonight, I thought I’d give it a try – after all, they can’t ALL mean nasty and vulgar things, can they? I mean, the email headlines may really not mean what we think it does. Examples:

“Get lucky every night.”
Yeah? You mean like with the lottery or bingo? I’m game! What do I need to do?

“Satisfy her all night long.”
Does that mean he’ll finally start wearing nasal strips? Excellent! Now I can finally get some sleep.

“BUSINESS PROPOSAL”
Ooooh! Could this finally be the $1,000,000 anonymous PayPal donation I’ve been dreaming about?

“Make her notice you in a whole new way.”
Wha? You mean flowers will be on my kitchen table when I get home, and the dishes washed and put away, and clothes folded, and a glass of wine waiting? Believe me, I’ll notice that! :D

“Look younger in five minutes!”
Save it! I already know the wonders that Blanche DuBois-style lighting will do for woman’s face, thank you veruh much. ;;)

“Get rid of junk email forever.
Ummm …

——-

Any you’d like to add?

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7 Responses to “My responses to select spam email headlines”

Comments

  1. Trish says:

    “Dear friend. . .”
    Ah, we’re old friends, are we? Great. Lend me 5 bucks.

  2. proof says:

    I’ve always liked:

    Get completely out of debt… with our consolidation loan!

    You mean, I don’t have to pay you back??

  3. Tom TB says:

    Why is it that everyone in Africa has a deceased Father/Mother/Uncle/Aunt/etc. that left them a zillion dollars U.S. and I’m the only one on the planet that can help them claim it? Hey, I own this bridge between Manhattan and Brooklyn, and if I could get enough shareholders together we could install a toll plaza and rake in so much moolah the mints will be working 24/7/365…

  4. steveegg says:

    One that’s in the spam folder now…

    “Please approve or deny”
    Denied with extreme prejudice.

  5. Sparky says:

    “BOOK ON HOW TO INFLUENCE PEOPLE TO PART WITH THEIR MONEY”

    Send $19.95….but wait, there’s more! I’ll send you information on how to dig for gold in your backyard.

  6. Trish says:

    But Sparky–
    The way you influence people to part with their money is to sell them that book!:d

  7. Sparky says:

    Yea…that was the point!….;)