For the newly laid-off Congresscritter

Ever concerned about the less-fortunate among us this Christmas season, Iowahawk has prepared a guide to unemployment and job-hunting for representatives, senators, and their staff who were so rudely turfed out by those ungrateful wretches back home last month. Here’s an excerpt:

Step 1: Assess Your Skills and Competencies

The road to your new non-Washington career begins with an inventory of your personal strengths and competencies. Read the critical skill list below, and circle the ones that you possess.

  • Telling other people what to do
  • Demanding money
  • Peddling influence
  • Talking loudly over others
  • Condescension / arrogance
  • Threatening, browbeating, arguing
  • Narcissism
  • Evading responsibility
  • Spin control

As a former Washington professional, you probably circled four or more of the above. Yes, there are some private sector industries where these skills are valued – such as journalism, bill collection, professional wrestling, higher education, and carnival barking. Unfortunately, these are all declining industries with low wages and/or fierce job competition. In order to maintain your standard of living, you will probably have to seek employment in other industries where you will find surprisingly little demand for your skills.

FAQs (frequently asked questions)

Instead of seeking a job, what if I decided to leverage my congressional skills in my own business?

While entrepreneurship can sometimes be very lucrative, it is a good idea to check with law enforcement officials. Under some federal and local statutes your new business may be interpreted as organized crime.

Visit Iowahawk, print this handy-dandy guide, and pass it along to your soon-to-be-former legislator or one of his (probably coked-up and weeping) staffers.

And then laugh.

(Crossposted at Public Secrets)

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