Channeling Mark Morford: A list of reasons I’m not a “real woman”

Posted by: ST on June 28, 2010 at 7:50 pm

LoserI swear, not a day goes by where some idiot far leftie is impugning conservative women by suggesting that they can’t possibly be “real women” simply because they don’t follow the rad-fem dogma on, among other things, the “absolute necessity” of abortion, the “rightness” of casual sex, and their absolute hatred for all males, in particular alpha males. As I’ve said before, if I had a dime for everytime I’d heard that I’d be a rich woman.

Most of the time when conservative women hear/read such repugnant remarks from pundits and politicos alike, they’re usually made by radical liberal women (case in point) who view women who don’t agree with them on “core” women’s issues as “traitors” to their sex. But every once in a while, an uber-liberal male will weigh in on the topic with his opinions, which are just as worthless as the “womyn” feminists who he worships. Case in point, the San Francisco Chronicle’s Mark Morford. JennQPublic reminds us of who this windbag is:

Mark Morford’s San Francisco Chronicle column is what a leftist’s diary might look like — if that leftist was a horny 14-year-old with a man-sized crush on Obama and a predilection for verbally abusing conservative women. Hmm. Scratch that. Morford’s column is exactly what a leftist’s diary would look like.

You might recognize Morford as the drooling Obama fetishist who proclaimed candidate Obama a “rare kind of attuned being” and a “Lightworker.” Or perhaps you remember his enlightened progressive description of “docile doormat” Laura Bush as “the ideal Republican wife: Prim, sexless, nearly useless, lets the men do the real thinkin.”

So really, who better to appoint himself this week’s Grand Arbiter of True Feminism?

Finding few reasons to gush about the Obama presidency, Morford’s current mission is to expose the “perverted kind of new womanhood” of Sarah Palin, Meg Whitman, and Nikki Haley. Ladies of the Left beware! warns Morford. The success of these “largely insufferable” conservative women comes packaged with a “s–bag of downsides, drawbacks, jackals and bitches.”

Here’s more from Morford’s “piece” (ahem):

Examples are, sadly, legion. Witness, won’t you, the zeitgeist’s nightmare trifecta of largely insufferable women, the Sarah Palin/Carly Fiorina/Michele Bachmann hydra-headed hellbeast of pseudo-women, one part huge cash reserves, one part evil grammar-abusing ditzball psychopath, one part sassy misinformed moxie, overlaid with wonky ideas of motherhood, love of guns and ignorance of sex and reproductive rights.

These, along with Meg “I’m a Billionaire!” Whitman and Nikki “Sarah Palin hugged me!” Haley, et al, are the apparent “champions” of a perverted kind of new womanhood, some sort of mutant breed who claim it’s entirely possible, even desirable to be “pro-life and pro-feminist,” which is a bit like saying you’re “pro-oil spill and pro-environment.”

In other words: Sorry, no. No f–ing way. This is the rule: You do not ever get to say you’re any kind of feminist or champion of women and mothers everywhere, and in the same breath add that you also believe no woman should have control over her reproductive powers and, by the way, poor immigrant women should be sent back to Mexico and guns should be legal for all.

Of course, such rhetoric matters not at all. This is the bad news: “Feminism” is right now dying a death of a thousand tiny wounds at the greasy hands (and tiny minds) of the Tea Party and the sneeringly misogynist Republican party, a new strain of semi-educated right-wing nutcase claiming all the revolutionary power of feminism, but none of that icky stuff known as “actual meaning.”


Now it’s women’s turn. Most women I know — powerful, independent, wondrously self-defined creatures of talent and intellect, sex and love, insight and intuition — are fully helping co-create the new female empowerment. But then they read about Sarah Palin endorsing Carly Fiorina with a wink and a rifle shot and a claim of “new” feminism, and they cringe straight down to their ovaries.

Welcome to the great ideological power struggle, ladies. Welcome to being fully empowered, misunderstood, demonized, celebrated, vilified, adored, loathed, loved, championed, deified, and ruined to the core. You’re gonna love it. You’re gonna hate it.

Think Morford’s bile offended readers of the SF Chron? The comments section there, which at the time of this writing has over 350 comments, mostly agree with him. Think liberal women will object to the way he described conservative women? Of course not. Read Jenn’s smackdown of Morford’s column where she has links to several “feminist” writers who essentially gave him a high five for trashing women who don’t agree with them, nor him. So much for the “sisterhood,” eh?

After reading Morford’s whinefest earlier this afternoon, I contemplated as to whether or not I’d even write a response, because everything I was thinking at the time was unsuitable for publishing on this blog. Instead of responding in that way, I’ve got another idea. I’m going to channel Morford and the “womyn” he so admires and write a short list of reasons “I’m not a real woman.” In no particular order, here goes.

I’m not a “real woman” because:

Loser1. I don’t believe men are only interested in women because of their boobs, butt, and thighs.
2. I don’t believe most men would ever physically abuse/assualt/rape a woman.
3. I don’t believe that women should sleep with every man within walking distance simply because he’s “hot” and I’m “free.”
4. Unlike actress Ashley Judd, left, I don’t believe that sucking a baby out of a woman’s womb piece by piece simply because a woman wants to go to college before she becomes a mother is in any way acceptable (and yet they call me a radical!).
5. I don’t believe that there’s anything wrong with me accentuating my femininity and am unashamed of being a woman.
6. I don’t think there is anything whatsoever wrong with being a stay at home mother.
7. I believe that a woman should be married before she becomes pregnant (gasp!).
8. I’m unwilling to give any male politician oral sex simply because he supports a woman’s “right to choose.”
9. I believe my decisions are my personal responsibility, not the state’s.
10. I believe the woman is ultimately the more responsible party for birth control when it comes to “casual sex” because in the end it’s going to be her body which may bear the “fruits” of her union with her “man of the moment.”
11. I simply adore alpha males.
12. I in no way encourage infidelity for women.
13. I believe a woman should be defined by more than just her female parts.
14. I don’t believe in standing by a “pro-woman” President who has no respect for his marital vows simply because that President believes in abortion on demand.
15. I KNOW it’s not “all about me.”
16. I don’t think I have a “right” to walk around topless anywhere I want to.

I could go on and on, but you get the point.

Those reasons, and many more, are why jacka**es like Mark Morford don’t view women like me, JennQPublic, Dr. Melissa Clouthier, Tabitha Hale, and many other brilliant conservative women as “real women” and instead see us as “b*tches.” All I have to say is if those reasons equate to me not being a “real woman,” then I’ll proudly wear the label “pseudo-woman” for the rest of my life.

Oh, and guys, he didn’t spare you his wrath, either:

What do you make of it? As I say, men have endured similar lopsidedness, unfairness, egomania for ages. I personally wince a thousand times a day at all the lugnuts, NASCAR thugs, frat boys, wife-beaters, spitters, abusers, beer-bongers, sack tappers, popes, pastors, Glenn Becks, Adam Sandlers and Dick Cheneys I see slither across the newswires, men who work like demonslugs to make my entire gender look bad. And I’m sad to report, they’re often hugely successful.

I’m of the mindset that a few bad apples shouldn’t reflect badly on the whole bunch, but I’ll play by Morford’s “rules” for the next five minutes just for grins and giggles. Do you know what always gives me a chuckle? Everytime a radical feminist tells me that they can’t possibly “hate” men because they have a boyfriend or husband. But have you ever noticed that some of these guys are so brainwashed by the teachings of their radical feminist significant others that they are little more than subservient “yes men” who can’t think for themselves? Mind, I don’t think that most men who date or are married to radical feminist women are like this but certainly some of them are.

Mark Morford reminds me of these types of men. He despises alpha males, and equity feminists like myself disgust him. Traditional gender roles are alien concepts that he rejects. Apparently to jerks like Morford, “real” men are the types of men who vote for Socialists like Obama, hang Che flags on the wall, and help their “real women” burn their bras and have their tofu and green tea prepared for them when they return home on their bicycles to the straw eco-hut from their topless “anti-plastic bottle” campaigns. And when these “real men” aren’t doing that, they’re laying completely naked in the back of a van with the doors wide open, cupping themselves while drivers in the vehicles behind them on the freeway have no choice but to look on. Don’t believe me? Just check out his Twitter page (which I won’t link to, but you can Google).

Final thoughts from Jenn:

Men on the Left have had it affirmed for them time and again that misogyny is perfectly acceptableeven desirable – as long as women on the Right are the targets. Even public rape fantasies about conservative women are excused. As long as these men are good little lefty foot soldiers, they’re welcome to direct all manner of misogyny toward women who fail to toe the line on abortion, gun control, and illegal immigration.

So, Mark. As long as we’re making up rules, here’s one for you: You do not ever get to create feminist litmus tests, and in the same breath call Sarah Palin, Nikki Haley, and others pseudo-women and bitches.

I think it’s clear who the real anti-feminist is.

Or anti-woman, rather than anti-feminist – if we’re going by Morford’s definition of “feminist” anyway.

And here it was I was hearing that it was conservative males whose method of operation was “objectifying conservative women” ..

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24 Responses to “Channeling Mark Morford: A list of reasons I’m not a “real woman””


  1. I once asked Kathleen McKenna, how to debunk patriarchy as a male and fight the battle to destroy the “myth of the fall.”

    She simply replied, “Ignore it all.”

    So, I like the pun, was it a pun about the “bad apples?” ANyone, not to be some lame-o post-modernistic deconstructionist, but I will…

    Simply ignore it all, just a thought, thanks.

    Unaffiliated for Colorado US Senate

  2. ChrisIsRIGHT says:

    If you were a liberal, I’d be apologizing on behalf of my gender for Morford’s inexcusably stupid, sexist, leftist, smug, self-righteous, pandering and otherwise idiotic comments.

    Of course, you’re not, so you are able to see Morford as an idiot because he’s, well, an idiot. Not because he’s a man.

    Morford will never, ever get it. And as long as there are feminazis there to support and affirm his woman-hating stances, he’ll go on spewing them.


  3. Deesaster says:

    Rock on, Sister, Rock on.

  4. Carlos says:

    “…that some of these guys are so brainwashed by the teachings of their radical feminist significant others that they are little more than subservient “yes men” who can’t think for themselves?”

    Some of these guys? What about the insipid mushmind feminazis? They aren’t brainwashed?

    And it all starts in the government pre-schools…

  5. Rose says:

    “A woman to ride the river with – one that walks beside you, as an equal partner, not one who walks behind you, or ahead of you.”

    Not an exact quote, but the ideal frontier woman, ala Louis L;Amour. Quaint? Or an idea whose time has come – again?

  6. shockey 626 says:

    I live in norcal and read the SFGATE on a daily basis, but I never click on Morford’s columns, because first, I need to keep my BP down and second, the more clicks he gets the more able he is to keep his pathetic job.

    Morford is also gay. I have known many gay men in my life, and most of them hate women, but will spout liberal gibberish about women’s rights, which in reality they care nothing about.

  7. Ryan says:

    It comes down to liberals being the most intolerant people you will ever meet. If you agree with them, all is well, but if you don’t… well… just read that column.


  8. Mark Morford likes his womyn to act like the drive-thru at a Taco Bell: well-greased and always open.
    And then he has the audacity to complain that “Fourth Meal” gives him heartburn.

    I guess no one ever quoted Rachel from “Friends” to Morford: “No vagina. No opinion!”

  9. Zippy says:

    Nowhere is there a mention of his liking to be spanked while wearing red heels and suckling a binky.

  10. shockey 626 says:

    Zippy, I believe that WAS in a previous column. And not red heels but red ruby slippers.

  11. MissJean says:

    Amen, Sister!

    I don’t like when conservative men make rude comments about the looks of women they disagree with, but at least they aren’t commenting on on our reproductive systems. Any man who says that feminists “cringe straight down to their ovaries” is creepy, plain and simple.

    Doesn’t surprise me to hear that Mordred Morford is gay. The HillBoys wrote about a time when a gay man who hated Sarah Palin talked about his fantasies of RAPING her. They were shocked and appalled, as were many of their liberal friends. But it’s no different from white liberals who OF COURSE aren’t racist, but will be the first to label a conservative black (especially a conservative black man) as a traitor to his race and cast him in the most derogatory light.

  12. Carlos says:

    MissJean, ya mean like Thomas Sowell, one of the most brilliant economic and social minds of our time? Or maybe Clarence Thomas? Or even Ken Blackwell or Larry Elder? What about that poor black guy that an SEIU thug beat up at a TEA party?

    All worth listening to for an opinion. And all hated by the “inclusionist” and “diverse” left.

  13. Taxpayer says:

    I’m a conservative woman, and I love my Tom Selleck-look-alike husband of 25 years. (And he has a very hairy chest!!!) We had a beautiful daughter together, and he works hard so I can be there for her.

    Just to follow along with your lib-baiting, here are some politically incorrect things I like:

    *The Constitution.
    *The dead white guys who founded our country.
    *Football (not soccer).
    *Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, and Jan Brewer.
    *”Two and a Half Men”.
    *Humphrey Bogart.
    *My father.
    *Earning one’s grades, diploma, job, pay, promotions….
    *”Deadliest Catch”.
    *”Band of Brothers” and “The World at War.”
    *”The First 48″ and other shows where the bad guys are pursued, caught, and punished.
    *And last but definitely not least: My America!

  14. Jo says:

    Well, he is from San Francisco so he is just spewing the liberal ignorance they marinate in out there.

  15. Kate says:

    I agree with those above who say, IGNORE THE TWIT! This guy is not just light in the loafers…he’s super liberal light…if it weren’t for gravity he’d float into the air and become part of the ozone layer.

    He is just chanting along with his leftist girlfriends to keep his byline afloat.

  16. Tom TB says:

    Did mary call all men involved in the automotive repair trade “lugnuts”? Well, sweetie, the next time your car breaks down, we will tell you that we alpha-males just can’t fix it because we’ve just been to the manicurist, and you know how long the polish takes to dry…

  17. Susan B. says:

    Morford may consider someone like me a pseudo-woman, but I know for a fact that he is a misogynist, a bigot and a pseudo-man.

    And I wonder what his problem with guns is? Does he dislike the idea of women being able to defend themselves, or do guns just make him feel…inadequate? ;-)

  18. Marshall Art says:

    Frankly, it would have been fun to hear what your first thoughts were. Maybe you need a blog rated “M” for Mature so you can let it out.

    I know. One doesn’t want to lose control, especially when provoked by such a dweeb as Morford.

    I think it’s a scream what libs consider “strong” women. Yet they get the vapors in the presence of those to whom they condescend. I’ll take a conservative woman every time. In fact, I married one.

  19. ….and in the same breath add that you also believe no woman should have control over her reproductive powers and, by the way, poor immigrant women should be sent back to Mexico and guns should be legal for all.

    So to be a feminist in his definition, you must hate our very Constitution and our founding documents.

    By his words and logic, women who believe in “LIFE, liberty, and pursuit of happiness” are not feminists because he has made up his own “right” to deny life to millions through abortion and his own made-up “reproductive rights”.

    In addition, he doesn’t believe in our laws for citizenship and feminists shouldn’t either…since illegal immigrants should be allowed to stay in his mind.

    AND clearly he sees no 2nd Amendment right on the part of Americans.

    Amazing that we actually have such blowhards in this country calling themselves Americans and self-proclaimed authority on what it means to be an American woman.

    I guess us conservative “bi-atches” just don’t get the anti-American nuance of these low life liberal, elitist, Obama/Socialist-loving jock straps.

  20. bastiat fan says:

    Morford is also gay. I have known many gay men in my life, and most of them hate women, but will spout liberal gibberish about women’s rights, which in reality they care nothing about.

    Sorry to hear your experience with gay men, but may I suggest that it’s NOT typical?? As a gay conservative MAN, I’ve known my share of the gay guys who were misogynists, but the vast majority of us DO NOT hate women. In fact, most of my best friends are women whom I adore and would walk through fire for.

  21. Kate says:

    I am with you on this Bastiat fan….many gay guys are much more sympathetic to life issues than their female counterparts.

    I don’t know if it’s because they are trying to prove women can be “tough” and equal to men in all areas. But, in the end they are denying their own biology!

  22. lisad says:

    Shouldn’t Judd’s t-shirt read; “…an idiot”?

  23. It would have, if I could have added the letter “n” to it ;)

  24. Ryan says:

    I’m curious as to what sort of wonky ideas Sarah Palin have about motherhood that he finds so offensive. Makes one wonder what sort of household he grew up in.